Oh boy, this one is probably the hardest story of them all. Here we go.
I met Mr. Discovery back in High School (after The Gentleman and before I got married); he was my second boyfriend. I was very young, and I liked his fun spirit. This guy and I didn't have much in common but I liked the fact that he was playful and exciting to be around. We were raised mostly by our mothers and we didn't have any brothers or sisters. We connected on that level, but that was it. I want to say I was attracted to his charm but it was actually his pushy character that persuaded me. I liked his free spirited vibe, no one could tell him what to do or where to go, he had his own plans and he was about 3 years older than me. Although we met very young and our relationship in High School didn't last long, he didn't become Mr. Discovery until a few years ago, when we connected again. I called it destiny and we tried to date once more. This time around, we were older, more mature, had lived life and had gone through our own failures. I assumed we had both gone through enough heartache and he was serious about having a family.
He showed up after my breakup with The Financial Advisor. I was still healing but looking to be loved. He offered me what I needed and I let him love me in his own way. He showed behaviors that are red flags to anyone in their right mind (I wasn't crazy but I definitely don't consider myself well enough because I didn't see the red flags as issues). I let many things happen, in such a short amount of time (5 months exactly). Mr. Discovery was paranoid and jealous, he was irrational and violent, now lets get to the part where I learned something from this and not burry my head in the sand.
I call him Mr. Discovery because after we broke up I realized how lost I had been in that relationship. I was in a very dark place, and I had no idea I was there until I got out. I allowed many toxic behaviors to happen because I didn't want to be alone. I thought he might have some screws loose, but he loved me. I say he loved me because everything he did was to keep me, to protect me, to love me in his own way, even though they were things that I didn't agree with 100%.
Calling ANY man horrible names for looking my way.
Deleting people from MY contact list because he thought I had no business talking to them.
Manipulating conversations for his benefit.
Sitting in the lobby of my workplace, waiting for me.
Waiting in the parking lot of my work place, for me.
Calling my phone every 5 minutes because he needs to know where I'am, even when I was at work.
Offering to take me everywhere in order to know where I am at all times.
No, he didn't have a job. He quit both of his jobs a month in our relationship because he wanted to pursue something else; he never did. I only tell you these details so you can understand how messed up this relationship was and how lost I was. When we broke up I decided to fortify my relationship with God. It had always been there, but clearly not strong enough because I kept getting into messed up relationships. God slowly started showing me what I had just gotten myself out of and what my life would have been like if I stayed longer. Mr. Discovery showed me I felt worthless. I felt like I didn't deserve to be loved, I was lost and I was still hurt from my previous relationship. He showed me what strong impact a few nice words can do for someone who doesn't know themselves and doesn't have standards. My "light bulb" moment didn't happen in the middle of the day, after a walk on the beach or hours of meditation and prayer, it actually happened after I was physically assaulted by him while we were in the relationship. I can tell you that story, but this is a story of what I learned and how I got there so please bare with me, I'm getting to it slowly.
I learned that in this relationship I didn't know myself. I had no idea of my identity in Christ and how powerful I was. I had no desire to pray and that showed me that my relationship with God was suffering. Mr. Discovery kept me prisoner in my own spirit, while allowing me to be as free as I had ever been. I discovered I needed to love myself more, respect myself more, have boundaries and create safe limits for my well being and get closer to God for healing and not a man. I slowly discovered my strengths (because somewhere along the lines I had forgotten those too). I gained confidence in who I was and started loving every inch of me, instead of allowing a man to do it for me. I was a withered plant, allowing someone else to damage my roots and call it "love".
Dear Future Husband, this is a sad story but it became my turning point. I didn't know it was going to be, that's why God's plans are better than our own. I'm a better woman today because I know what it's like to be the worst version of myself. I can look back and smile because I have been healed from my wounds and I have been shown a bigger purpose for it all. Some people have a hard time telling their stories and their dark chapters but this is my testimony and I know I'm meant to tell it to give others hope.