As I continue to grow and mature, I look back and remind myself of where I came from. I question behaviors in my first relationship and I compare differences and similarities of who I am today. I was once young and stupid, therefore, I made a lot of mistakes, but like most of us, I learned from them. A really good friend of mine (I love you Kassy) taught me that people are seasonal in your life and this is the reason why I look back and I'm thankful of the good and bad experiences I had. She might be able to explain this better than me, but here is my take on it.
We share our lives with many people. We share a smile and a "hello" with most, but a few of them get to know us deeply. From those few, we gravitate to one or two and those are the people that know us the most. We make them our best friend or the person we want to be in a relationship with and we allow them to know us on a deeper level. With that said, we open up and allow them to teach us how they like to have fun or what they like to eat most, etc. We grow and we learn from each other and we experience new things together. This person helps us go through difficult times and they hold our hand when we need support. If the relationship ends, for whatever reason, and you allow yourself to go through all the emotions and grieving process, their season in your life has ended. Sounds kind of poetic and movie-like but it makes so much sense to me. We are meant to learn from every experience in our lives, otherwise, how are we going to grow and become better people? Sometimes we allow ourselves to experience terrible things; other times terrible things happen to us and we choose to not learn anything from them. Every person I've met and consider "seasonal" has taught me so much, so I want to thank a few (if you read this post and see your name, I don't mean to embarrass you. This is my story and what you did to help me be the person I am today):
Danny: You showed me what love looks like. You were patient, kind, caring, sensitive, respectful and a gentleman all around. Even though we were only 15 years old when we met, you set a high bar and I really appreciate that. Because of you, I learned what I want in my next relationship and I look for those qualities. I also met Christ through you and for that I will be forever grateful. Without knowing it, you shaped my view in men and now I won't allow anything less in my life.
Jose and Frank: You showed me what self love looks like. Because of you I learned to put myself first, I learned that I have boundaries and that I am strong, I learned that I could conquer the world and I also learned not to view myself as a victim. Both of these relationships, in their own time of course, changed my life.
If you don't know me on a personal level, you don't know these stories but I can share this one thing with you, they didn't end well. Seasonal people aren't always people who bring joy in your life and it took me a while to understand and digest that. Once I was able to see the lessons and the growth in EVERY situation and relationship, I realized that everyone crosses paths for a reason and everything happens for a reason.
Dear Future Husband, when we meet, I don't want our season to end. I want us to embrace the changes and support the growth in each other and experience every self doubt, every hardship and every rocky moment. I'm willing, are you?