I once dated this guy that was very into "pissing contests." You know, the ones where boys compete with other boys about who is better. The men he confronted weren't related to me in any way (friends, exes, co-workers, etc) he would literally confront the random guy at Starbucks, the guy pumping gas at the gas station who just so happens to use the pump next to me, and the guy behind the register taking my order. He was threatened by absolutely everyone and everyone was out to get his girl. In the beginning it didn't seem aggressive; it was almost endearing and I felt protected. Later on (when things began to crumble between us) I realized this had nothing to do with me or the men he was lashing out on, it was a personal issue. His self-esteem wasn't at it's best and he felt like I deserved more and that he couldn't give that to me, therefore, he used brutal force. He used his "manly" ways and became aggressive and arrogant. The "pissing contests" remind me a lot of the Fighting Pits in Game of Thrones; they weren't as obscene and brutal but it is definitely the equivalent, just in a different time era.
Some people may say this is a egocentric way of thinking, others may say this is a possessive mindset. It can be viewed either way. He was very intrusive and always wanted to know where I was and with who; even at my work place. He would show up everywhere just to make sure I wasn't lying; he was taking over my life little by little. It seems terrible but he always had a way of making it sound as if he was worried about me and all he wanted to do was make sure I was safe. It was exhausting, yes, but I wanted to understand why he felt this way and so I began asking the same questions he would ask me; little did I know, it was a one sided interaction. When I would ask where he was going and who he was going with, I was always given short answers like "don't worry about it" and I always felt kept in the dark about the things he did. It seemed sneaky and untrustworthy so there's no doubt why it didn't work out.
The reason why I call this behavior, amongst other things, egocentric is because till this day he believes he did nothing wrong. I've sat and explained my reasons for not continuing the relationship, I've explained what a normal behavior between two people who are in an intimate relationship looks like, I've described the expectations I had for him, I even asked for feedback to see if we were both on the same page, and although he understood what I was saying, it was like nothing was registering. He listened, he agreed, yet he continued to act the same way I wasn't happy with and even scold me for asking too many questions. This is an egocentric person. This is someone who doesn't care how they make others feel as long as they get their way. This is the type of character that doesn't strive to build but to destroy others. This is the type of person who struggles internally and needs help. Unfortunately, the change has to want to come from within.
Dear Future Husband, I haven't seen it all but I've seen enough. I've encountered men that have been great in some ways and destructive in others. I'm asking for you to discover yourself, I'm asking for you to be the man you would like your daughters to date, I'm asking for you to be whole before you decide to become my half. Know who you are and show it. We are all changing human beings but our genuine self